what he REALLY reads
by CaveDwellers
Summary: oneshot. Kakashi reveals what’s REALLY in Icha Icha Paradise.


Disclaimer: yes, I own _Naruto_, that's exactly why I'm writing fanfiction for it –and you're reading this in a beachside hotel on a cloud of magical fairy dust in the middle of a black hole some 500 light years from here…? No, I don't own it. I just have no life.

Warnings: mild, ignorable references to kakairu, stalking, Icha Icha paradise, torture for those with sick minds, and two swear words (shock shock).

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_Icha_ _Icha_ _Paradise_, the infamous porn series written by the famous perverted Toad Sannin, Jiraiya. One Hatake Kakashi was a huge fan of both, but for reasons far different than what most people believed.

To say that Jiraiya focused solely on porn in his books would only make you half right. Yes, there were hot sex scenes, but what most people overlooked was _who_ had the hot sex. Were they all under-developed characters skipping around a poor, flimsy excuse for a plot of the Sannin's own making? Nobody knew, because reputation followed the notorious series everywhere it went and very few people gave it a chance for fear of their "virgin" minds.

Of course, Kakashi had to admit that while the lack of fellow fans to compete with when buying the newest addition in the special tropical edition series was very nice, there were also never other people there to discuss it with, which was quite the let down.

But then again, he knew from first-hand experience how addictive they were. Once you read a particularly good one, there was no turning back. Oh yes, Kakashi knew that once you pinpointed your preferences then BAM! You were hooked and there was no way you could get away from it until you had read them all –and since Jiraiya was still very much alive, there was no reason for them to stop coming, this ultimately meant that you were still going to be firmly hooked for a good while yet.

Sometimes, the only words he could use to describe the plot were: "completely and utterly _random._" Honestly, he sometimes had to wonder where the old man came up with them. And for the life of him, Kakashi could never think of a more appropriate situation for the phrase "what the fuck?" before or after discovering the series.

On the other hand, there were marvelously crafted plots that truly made him admire and respect the Sannin a little more than he did before for producing it. Of course, that didn't mean that there weren't the occasional sex scenes in these, too –but hey, nobody was perfect, right?

Some people chose to read them alone when they had a lot of free time and suddenly didn't give a flying shit about who was watching –even if they were the type of person who was always careful not to mess up their reputation. Others (namely Kakashi) kept them on their person and broke it out every chance they got, regardless what other people thought of them for it.

And there were still _other_ people –like Iruka– who had to keep their collections a secret from everyone and only read when they were absolutely _certain_ that no one else was around and watching them. (Now we must remember that Iruka is only a chuunin, and that he could be easily fooled by a skilled jounin who really didn't want to be sensed… well, let's just say that Kakashi knew things about Iruka that no one else knew and leave it at that, shall we?)

Besides, Kakashi knew for a fact that taking up residence in a large village full of ninja guaranteed that you only felt completely alone and unwatched on the rarest of occasions. For that, he had to say that he pitied Iruka: it would probably take him about a year just to finish the first novel of the first series. At the rate he was going, even if he made it to seventy-five, he probably still wouldn't be done with them all…

Occasionally while reading them, you couldn't help but laugh out loud, which in turn gets you pinned with some rather interesting looks before the people around you slowly start to inch away. Kakashi had even witnessed some mothers either turn and tell their children never to be like that when they grow up and stay away from people like that, or march right up to the reader and scold them for reading such material in public, _especially_ after one such laughing incident. When it wasn't happening to him, Kakashi found the latter to be absolutely hilarious.

More often than not, this particular choice of reading material gave you a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach –and other places as well, but he didn't feel like getting into that other than saying that it was a rather… _interesting_ sensation. And believe it or not, _Icha Icha Paradise_ is actually the object of much controversial arguments.

Now, don't jump to conclusions, Kakashi definitely had his preferences. His preferences were so… preferred, that they might just be considered unhealthy by some people. What really separated him from the rest of the _Icha Icha_ reading community was that he didn't feel so attached to them as to go and start a few spats on their behalf. If he didn't like what he was reading, then he simply skipped over it and moved on, no pain and/or offense taken. It really _didn't_ have to be as drawn-out and dramatic as people made it out to be –but that was how it was, and he supposed that was how it would stay for a good long time, so he might as well make life easier for himself and learn to deal with it, right?

So yes, on the whole, the rumors were very much true. Even through all of the flamers, crack couples, yaoi, and smut, the notorious copy-nin Hatake Kakashi was, for lack of a better word, _addicted_ to the collections of fanfictions found in Jiraiya's _Icha Icha Paradise_.


End file.
